Confession time. I am not much of a blogger. But I have a blog. It’s not quite a dilemma, just a question that’s been circling my head since the last time I posted, oh, nine months ago. Should I continue with this?

The short answer is yes. I’m here. My novel is in querying limbo. My months devoted to revisions (way more than I thought) and edits-galore are behind me. My mind isn’t deep, deep in the world I created. I’m back in the real world, trying to make sense of it and all the time I suddenly have.

The long answer is yes but… at my own pace. When I first began co-blogging Daedalus Notes in 2008, it seemed like The Thing to do. It was a fun project to share with a dear friend. It got me to write outside of a novel. It was a place to think about things that otherwise had no category and, in theory, could spark conversations with others.

I started Joy & Moxie with that same itch. By then, I was deep into what is now my finished novel. I knew I wanted to be more of a professional, to try for a platform, to see what came of it. The novel wound up needing more of my energy, of course, and the blog, with barely any readers would sit here for months between posts. Because of that, I was secretly ashamed of myself. “Oh, here’s another project you didn’t finish, J,” whispered the dark Voice of Doubt in my ear.

I’d planned to write on a schedule, to comment on the funny or joy-giving things around me. I wanted to use my own photographs. I experimented with adding watermarks to photos. I wanted to be witty. I had high hopes. It was a classic Field of Dreams delusion: “if you build it, they will come.” Because this was what I’d come to believe a writer – most especially an author – needed to make it in this insane world.

I’ve since learned the formula for success doesn’t require a lucrative blog. To make it, you need to do the work. You need to write the thing you want published. You need to edit it. You need to take care of yourself. You have to cut out what isn’t working, sort out your priorities. So Joy & Moxie stayed quiet while I wrote. It had to happen. I have no regrets on that score.

I was also glad for the excuse because, again, there was that shame. Blogging in 2019 doesn’t look like blogging in 2008. At least not to the casual blogger like me. It’s competitive and often monetized. It’s a business. It requires strategy and time. I thought I was a failure for not getting to that point, for not having the guts or the energy to make it work… like a business. I could not handle this self-inflicted pressure.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want this to be a business. My novels are my business. That’s why I’m querying. I want to find an agent, and I want to do what it takes to get published and, most importantly, keep writing novels as a career. That’s my primary focus. The blog… it shouldn’t be a giant burden. It should be a fun side-project. Something I can retreat into when I need to write something different, uncategorized, miscellaneous, whimsical. I refuse to feel shame for that.

The biggest reason I’m sticking with it is Twitter. It can be a loud, toxic, Wild West kind of a place. There are days when some political spark catches fire, and I have to turn off my phone and run away from it. But. Most days the people I follow keep me afloat, reminding me that I’m not the only writer trying to break into the industry or just trying to get more words on the page. I find myself tweeting threads that are basically mini-blog posts. And it helps me. So why stop?

I’m always learning. This is one milestone of many I’ve crossed this year. I don’t have to make a splash with Joy & Moxie, but I’m going to do my best. I am not going to sell myself short, either. There’s nothing for it but to begin and begin again, if I have to.

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