I rarely take a political stance at Joy & Moxie. I hate how it divides people. It triggers my anxiety to the point where I can’t function. But today, it’s important to speak out.

You don’t need me to underline or highlight the fact that protests are still raging over the death of George Floyd, a black man, under the knee of a white police officer in Minneapolis. There were demonstrations in downtown Lincoln over the weekend – at the Capitol, my neighborhood. I heard the helicopters and the shouting and saw the graffiti and the broken glass. Many of us left work early today to avoid the area.

I am angry. When I began this post last night, I was determined to say something short and elegant that would get people thinking. I mean, look at my last post — all about elegance, right? Today, not so much. This is raw and not-so-polished, and I don’t care. The point of all this, the point of writing while the world is on fire with rage, isn’t about what I say right now, but how I listen.

The protests are happening because people in power have not listened to the deep grievances of people of color for centuries. Instead, they’ve gaslighted and demurred, have hardened their hearts and have been selectively deaf in order to benefit themselves. Meanwhile, the situation remains the same. Black people continue to die needlessly, and white people, ensconced in our comfortable bubbles, are more upset about wearing face masks and not being able to get our nails done because of coronavirus.

The situation is full of nuance, I know. And in order to understand those nuances, I turn to people who understand it better than me. I listen to what they have to say. Over all, however, judging from what’s been going on, we need to relearn and reevaluate what listening means and how to do it better.

First of all, when you listen it is no longer about you, the listener. It is about who is speaking, giving testimony, appealing for your attention. It is NOT about your opinion, your particular understanding of the topic being discussed. You have to put aside whatever you thought you knew, leave whatever agenda you have behind, and absorb what the other person is saying. You are NOT to add anything. You are NOT to begin with “But what about…” No. Yours is not the only (much less the most important) voice in the room.

To listen to a person is to respect them. Why? Because they are a fellow human being. I shouldn’t have to explain that. If you can’t begin from that place of respect, you will get nowhere. If you don’t offer that to the person speaking how can you expect the same from him?

That also doesn’t mean to give him a canned response. Don’t be a jerk. Too many of our leaders are downright jerks.

Secondly, you must accept the fact that what you hear might not be pleasant, might challenge your worldview, might hurt. You have to be prepared for the possibility that you are wrong, that the information you have absorbed may be flawed or biased. This takes a lot of humility, and it isn’t easy, but it is necessary.

You can’t start from a place of suspicion, or call out conspiracies where there are none proven. It’s wise to be cautious, but caution does not mean you should dismiss or suspect everything you hear. This is why it’s so important not to add your two cents into a conversation immediately. There is no argument to win. Sit down. Open your ears. Allow the speaker space to speak.

Third, your response shouldn’t be a rebuttal. In fact, all you need to say is that you’ve heard them and not to steer the conversation in your favor. Your job is to mull it over and use that information to measure and adjust your worldview. This does not happen overnight. It’s a painful process. But it’s necessary in a society where we depend on each other. And, yes, we do depend on each other. If the pandemic hasn’t shown you that…

Again, you don’t have to say anything. You do have to think on what is being said. Mull it over, and don’t pipe up before it soaks in.

Fourth, don’t absorb information from just one source, especially if that source tells you only what you want to hear. You have to look broadly across the field. You have to ask yourself whether there is a consensus across several sources of information and recognize and investigate disparities. Don’t dismiss all news sources as biased or corrupt or, God forbid, “fake” because someone said so. You have a brain of your own and the capacity to put together context, nuance and syntax, understand what isn’t being said, and balance several points of view. It takes a little practice, but you’ll begin to see that nothing is simple and that people deserve compassion over judgment.

Fact: endemic racism is everywhere, and it remains a disgusting and shameful aspect of American culture. As a white woman I recognize that I need to listen. Because this is the world I live in. Because I have benefitted from a system that has caused and continues to cause human beings incalculable pain and suffering and death.

Here are a few places to start:

*This video was posted yesterday by Pastor Jerrod Parker of St Mark Baptist Church in Omaha who met with Mayor Stothart and Governor Ricketts about the death of James Scurlock. On the subject of listening…

*This article is from Harper’s Bazaar by Rachel Elizabeth Cargle “Why you need to stop saying All Lives Matter.” Many thanks to my friend, Lindsay, for posting it to Facebook.

*Here is a statement from Brandon Washington of Denver Seminary, posted to Facebook earlier in the week… about being part of the church at this time and questioning what that means.

*Lastly, the comedian Trevor Noah has a unique perspective on current events being from South Africa and experiencing apartheid. He explains this situation in a calm, thoughtful way. It is challenging but good. Please watch below:

I wish all of you the best as we continue into June. I pray that we would all be wiser and more compassionate, that we would listen before we speak, that would learn not to attack each other over a difference of opinion, that our eyes would be opened to difficult truths. We can be better than this. Lord willing, we will be. Amen.

※